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Frank Mahony: Deer and Morons

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Frank Mahony

Frank Mahony

Deer and Morons

3/13/2009   Comment on This

deer in my headlightsWhen Im driving home at night, I travel through the northwest suburbs. Although the circumstances are slightly different each time, I keep having these recurring issues like a dj vu experience.

Firstly I seem to be some sort of deer magnet. If there are deer anywhere within a 20 mile area, their whacked out, biological, animal instinct GPS sends them in my direction. I am constantly swerving or slamming on the brakes to avoid deer. I even had to dodge deer in the parking lot of my ten story office building where nobody else but me has ever seen deer (I was not drinking this really happened).

And ... for the record, the plural of deer is deer, not deers. That annoys me too.

Can we ship these deer to Wisconsin? Can we have a big deer cookout? Who can help me get rid of the deer?

Next - If youre a city person, you either dont drive much and/or hardly ever use your cars brights (bright headlights). I hardly ever use my brights, even when driving though wooded areas on a dark night. Its a pain to constantly flip the bright lights on and off when a car is approaching. I can see well enough at night.

However, I know Im whining about nothing but this is really getting on my nerves too. At least once a night, I am accused of driving with my brights on by some John Q Citizen that flashes his brights at me. Mostly, I ignore their ignorance (nice).
I know when the brights are on on my SUV
click to see my brights...
But occasionally, when Im in a bad mood I retaliate.

Oh those arent my brights moron THESE ARE MY BRIGHTS

And I leave them on until the helpful citizen has past me. Im not driving some off road vehicle with special lights just a normal SUV with factory headlights.

So, I need a new product - a combo repellant that make a sound which simultaneously wards off deer and morons in my vicinity?

Got an idea where I can find that? Send me the Info
 

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