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Frank Mahony: You’ve run out of Uncles


Frank Mahony

Frank Mahony

You’ve run out of Uncles

3/22/2009   Comment on This

Did you ever notice, on the Monday after the first nice weekend of the year, people suddenly become sick or have other family reasons why they can’t make it to work? Mondays are not the only day people seem to have family emergencies - but that nice weather does seem to wreak an unusually high percentage of havoc on otherwise healthy people.

You almost wonder if they should just do the following on Friday night:

  • Bring the kids right to the doctors’ office.
  • Bring Auntie Betty to the hospital (an illness that is bound to hit at any moment)
  • Bring the car to the shop so they can fix it before it goes bad
  • Install an extra pump in the basement.
  • Leave bail money on “will call” at the police station nearest to where your cousin lives.

That way, they could get the most common problems “cleared up” before Monday and show up to work on time and ready to go.

My “real” suggestions are either:
A) Admit that there is not family emergency - you just overindulged on the weekend and are in no condition to work (you’re aren’t fooling anyone anyway)
B) Start coming up with more interesting reasons why you can’t make it to work

If you admit the truth, some bosses may not be very forgiving - so here is a list of alternative extraordinary reasons why you just can’t make it to work today (you still probably aren’t fooling anyone – but you might get away with more)…

  • I accidentally swallowed my car keys and had to wait for an extra set to be made.
  • A meteor shower changed the time on my clocks – I thought it was still Sunday.
  • I won the $20 million dollar lottery and was planning on quitting but then I lost it all at the gambling boat and had to come to back work
  • Turns out my neighbor is a CIA operative and needed my help with a quick mission that was supposed to be over before Monday
  • I made the first cut on American Idol

Next time, try one of these or at least something different than “My uncle got sick.”

You’ll probably get fired anyway – but when your next employer calls for a reference, the Human Resources Department will be too busy giggling to say something bad.


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