Frank Mahony: Somalia Pirates to U.S. - That’s Just Rude
Somalia Pirates to U.S. - That’s Just Rude
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Somali citizens and pirates alike are “steaming mad” that the US has broke from tradition and acted in a very unsportsmanlike way. For years now, both sides of the Somali Pirate Drama have known their roles and expected performances. But when the US messed up its lines in a recent performance, Somali critics were quick to chastise.
Somali Pirate Spokesperson, Weshowedup Nowgivedaboat elaborated, “The fact that we brandish heavy weapons and threaten to kill hostages while holding property for ransom is irrelevant. The US knows how the game works: we take boats and hostages by force and you give us money. That's how it has always been done. The British would never act this way! That’s just rude!”
Pirates came out in droves to protest outside the US embassy in Mogadishu. A representative for the protestors threatened, “If this happens again, we’ll be forced to Unionize. With the establishment of The Somali Pirate Union (TSPU), we’ll be able to negotiate better terms of engagement that are safer for Somali Pirates and higher ransom fees to return ships. Additionally, we’ll demand 401k, disability and healthcare benefits.”
A spokesperson for the Navy Seals, Lt. Col. Headshot responded, “We never got the memo instructing us to implement a ‘pretend fighting scenario’ and due to recent budget cuts, we’re eliminating ‘pretend fight training’ altogether – plus, our boys were so juiced up on Red Bull after floating in the water for days, we had to let them do something.”
For now, Somali Pirates are only hijacking non-US ships and taking a “wait and see” attitude, trying to determine if they’ll allow the US back into the game, or shut them out completely. As one Somali put it, “It’s our game and our rules; they either play the game the right way or we’ll take our machine guns and go home.”
Reporting “Live” from the Golf of Aden, this is Frank E Boy from LIVIN LARGE news.
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