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Frank Mahony: I’ll have “The Special”

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Frank Mahony

I’ll have “The Special”

9/13/2008   Comment on This

If you’re a big guy like me, it may mean that you eat at restaurants more than the average person. Smart restaurants know that serving portions big enough to require a survey team are the way to pack in customers. You normally can’t (or at least shouldn’t) eat all that food; but they put it in front of you and finishing it seems like a good idea at the time.

Here are some other restaurant oddities that I find funny and/or sad:

double bacon cheeseburger with everything“I’ll have a double bacon cheeseburger with everything, large fries and a Diet Coke.”
I’ve placed that order myself (too many times). We’re now so conditioned to ordering a diet drink that we forget how ridiculous it sounds along with the other 3000 calories we’ll be eating. A diet drink also goes good with one of those 2000 calorie monster salads. Those are great with all the ham, bacon, steak, eggs, cheese, creamy dressing and anything else they find in the fridge. I'm at the point where I'm so conditioned to the taste of diet drinks that I don't like regular soda anymore.
My conclusion: Keep ordering the cheeseburgers but drink water. It accomplishes the same objective and sounds less diety.

“Would you like hash browns with that?”
What’s the problem here? Some breakfast places serve egg dishes with hash browns, others charge extra. We’re talking about 14¢ worth of food. Just charge me 25¢ more and let’s get on with it. Otherwise you look cheap and I look irritated.
My conclusion: Skip restaurants that charge extra for hash browns.

“Welcome to Billy Bob’s Food Shack – let me tell you about our Specials…”
What the hell are "The Specials?” When you go to a place often and the specials are the same crap every time, what is so special about it? The price usually isn’t so special. The food isn’t any more special than everything else on the menu. More than likely, it’s food they are stuck with or with really good profit margin.
My conclusion: Don’t order anything called “The Special”

Got a favorite restaurant annoyance? Tell me about it: comments@geoffpinkus.com
 

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