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Frank Mahony: Legal Considerations of The HLBPR

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Frank Mahony

Frank Mahony

Legal Considerations of The HLBPR

8/14/2009   Comment on This

Please note: I appreciate the fact that as a society, we are compassionate enough to provide special services, protections and assistance to handicapped people. Furthermore I apologize that my genetically predisposed male mind is always attracted to the lowest common denominators of humor, in this case, bathroom humor. I will venture to be more philosophical in future writings but for today, welcome to the boys locker room.

That being said…

Do you have a “special purposes” restroom in your building? In some buildings, they are just labeled “Handicap Restroom” – but in my building, they’ve taken it to a new level. Our “special purposes” restroom features the expected wide doors and convenience handrails but somehow is intended for additional purposes.

You might think I am kidding – so to prove I am not, I snapped a picture with my cell phone.

Our building features a HANDICAP/LACTATION/BLOOD PRESSURE RESTROOM. For some reason, this strikes me as something you would find in a legal contract.

AGREEMENT BETWEEN YOU AND ME

In consideration of the desire to explore the possible permitted and non-permitted uses of the HANDICAP/LACTATION/BLOOD PRESSURE RESTROOM (hereinafter referred to as the “HLBPR”).

Whereas you the reader of this blog have come upon this collection of purportedly organized but potentially random words, intended, but not likely to convey humor, either on purpose or by accident and;

Whereas the writer of this drivel has assembled this collection of relatively random words and thoughts;

Now, therefore, in consideration of the fact that you ended up here;

You agree in advance to hold the writer(s) of this blog and all related parties, heirs and assigned parties harmless for any possible direct, indirect or consequential damages you may experience, in perpetuity, related to exposure to this information or from using the HLBPR.

SOME STATES OR JURISDICTIONS MAY NOT ALLOW THE EXPLORATION OF PERMITTED USES OF A “HANDICAP RESTROOM” OR THE HLBPR SO THESE LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY AND DAMAGES MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT ANY OF THIS IS FUNNY OR EVEN WORTH READING. THIS INFORMATION IS PROVIDED “AS IS” AND YOU ARE CAUTIONED TO PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Enough of that.

What I want to know is – “How does a handicap restroom evolve?” Darwin might be proud that a fledgling single purpose restroom has now found multiple uses but was this really necessary?

I "sort of" understand the progression. A lactating person (likely a woman but not necessarily) didn’t want to handle the business of lactation in a public place or in a restroom with people walking in and out. Depending on what the person looks like, I may agree. The “special purpose restroom” offered privacy and someone petitioned to turn the room into the HLBPR. I can’t pretend to understand the complications of public or private lactation. I’ve never had much personal experience with lactation (I’m pretty sure that was just sweat). So, I reserve judgment on whether this was really warranted.

Similarly, I suspect a person medically required to check their blood pressure during working hours may have felt uncomfortable using a portable blood pressure machine at their desk, in the lunch room or in the regular restroom and another “new use” was established. Again, the question that comes to mind is: Really?

Now I’m wondering who makes the decision about what Symptom makes the cut. You would need to order a new sign and probably send an announcement to all the building occupants. That can’t be cheap.

Since the need for privacy seems to have entered into the equation I wonder if any of these other “conditions” might qualify for additional uses of the “special purposes restroom:”

  • Horny

  • Recently ate Mexican/Thai food

  • Not in the mood to work

  • Sleepy

  • Need to trim nose hair and don’t want anyone watching


  • Of course, I think this is all ridiculous. We are so weak, spoiled and lazy. Suck it up people and let’s leave the handicap restroom open for the people that truly need it.

    However, I am totally in favor of an executive restroom with a special key for very important people like me.
     

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