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Frank Mahony: Newest Government Bailout Program


Frank Mahony

Frank Mahony

Newest Government Bailout Program

11/27/2009   Comment on This

This Just In...

Obama's new bailout: Cash for LeftoversIn a move likely to score a big win with much of the American public, the Obama administration announced a new federal bailout program.

The President explained today:

Many Americans... have eaten... quite a bit... of the turkey... dinner they prepared... yesterday... and now face the... dilemma... of plastic baggies... and containers filled... with leftovers... in their refrigerators... These leftovers... while still edible... and nutritious... pose a problem... to the grocery... industry... for reduced sales... in the coming... weeks... And so today, we... are announcing... our latest program... we call...

Cash for Leftovers...

(at that point the teleprompter broke and Geithner took over)

Tim Geithner, Secretary of the Treasury and Bailout Concepts, clarified: “The program offers families the ability to bring their Thanksgiving leftovers to the neighborhood grocery store and redeem a voucher worth $150 towards a brand new turkey dinner. The grocery store will then destroy the food to prevent it from being used by anyone trying to defraud this important new federal program. Rather than allow people to eat their “used’ turkeys, we’re trying to spur new turkey sales and hopefully improve the long term survivability of turkey agri-business in general.”

Turkey Carcass: Obama's new bailout planWith over 100 million leftover turkeys hanging in the balance, critics are already complaining about the costs to the American taxpayer. The program is expected generate $800 million in retail sales while costing approximately $1 billion plus an additional $400 million in paperwork and oversight to verify the destruction of all leftovers.

In response to naysayers that say the financials of the program don’t make sense, the Obama administration said the GAO will work up some new numbers and it will all make sense later. However, they stress that it is imperative that the program be implemented immediately before leftovers are either eaten or thrown away.

Reporting Live from Washington DC, this is Frank E Boy for Geoff Pinkus News.


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