Frank Mahony: The Time Stimulus Package
The Time Stimulus Package
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Hey it was “just” that time of year again! No, no... not that weird naked ritual you and your neighbors do in the back yard – I’m talking about daylight savings time.
So on Saturday night, I’m grazing on some snack food with my son and the Diva reminds us: “Don’t forget... The clocks change tonight...” I asked “we gain or lose an hour?” If I wasn’t in a potato chip induced food coma, I would have remembered (“spring ahead”). When she said, “we lose an hour,” we both simultaneously let out a sound that sounded like swearing and letting the air out of your tires.
I’m too tired to lose an hour.
I need that hour.
So, we both considered, can’t Obama do something about this? Didn’t they goof around with daylight saving time a while back to extend it or something?
Since the Obama “dream team” comes up with a new, goofy-ass plan almost daily, we think this should be the next thing he tries to ram through Congress: The Time Stimulus Package.
The Time Stimulus Package of 2010 modifies daylight savings so that regardless of the season, Spring or Fall, the clocks are adjusted to provide an extra hour of sleep. Forget about sunlight, energy savings and all that other crap. When you think about the other impossible and financially ridiculous things they've proposed, this sounds like a "no brainer" - right?
We want more sleep and we don’t care who has to deal with the consequences. So, for the next 10, 15 or 20+ years, we get more sleep and then one day in the future, when there is only one remaining employed American – the poor bastard will need to work 22 hour days forever. He’ll curse the former president and his staff every day, but by then Obama will have retired from politics and will be a Television Talk Show Host, working for his new boss, Oprah, making billions.
Hey it’s not my problem – I didn’t vote for Obama. Plus, I’ll be retired by then too, living off all the free benefits the government will provide from taxing the life and soul out of that sorry sap. My only worry is that I hope there’s no way they figure out how to incorporate a "freeloaders only provision" where they give the extra hour ONLY to Obama supporters.
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